Sometimes, you won’t want to do what you’ve set out to do.
Or what you’ve promised to do.
Or what you know you should do.
Sometimes, it’s all just so hard.
I’ve had those moments lately.
I don’t like to be ignored. No, it’s more than that, I hate it. I hate being ignored. And I admit, I don’t have strong coping skills with unkind words… yet I’ve created a space where you have freedom of speech. Are there consequences? Sure. Are they strong enough to stop your words dead in their tracks? No.
Given this knowledge, I think we can all agree that, naturally, I don’t want the job I have at times.
I get angry. I get frustrated. I get so overwhelmed with all of my feelings that all I want to do is run away. But then I don’t because the idea of running away sounds completely exhausting.
Sound familiar?
I think we all experience some form of this in different ways.
For me, in retaliation of all that I was hurt by and angry about, I took yesterday morning off. I did nothing except listen to a book and sit in my favorite chair. I said I would do it all day.
It lasted for two hours.
Then I got up and fixed my hair, because I had let it air dry into a lion’s mane and I didn’t want to look like how I felt when I met with our landscaper, so I fixed my hair.
Then I had the meeting with our landscaper and it was so nice outside.
So I went on a little walk.
Then I picked up some of you from the bus stop.
Then we came home and I taught a harp lesson.
Then I made dinner. I MADE DINNER. Which I haven’t done in DAYS.
Then I went out for hot chocolate with a friend.
And today, when one of you had anger streaming out of you, I saw me. I thought of how hard it is for me to curtail my emotions and how much harder that must be in a tiny body with a growing brain. I saw through your anger in that moment.
Sometimes we don’t want to do our jobs.
Or the things we’ve agreed to do.
Or the things we know we should do.
Sometimes we just need a morning off, or a safe person to cry hot tears to. But know that you’re not the only one who gets angry or thinks that life is unfair. The world is unfair. Excruciatingly unfair.
And in the end, these things we should do and need to do, they're important. They have purpose. There is meaning and hope and truth in them.
Even when you’re angry, even when it’s hard.
Keep going.
You’ve got this.